Below was written in October 2008. Thankfully, as of May 2011, it hasn’t changed. I am still excited. Their music, honesty, love and craft has kept me excited. If asked, hopefully this’ll explain why.

“Disjointed Excitement, Exhileration
At some point in the last four years, music lost its excitement for me. I don’t know when. I don’t know where and I certainly don’t know what caused it. There’s something very sobering about that, though. For me, music is pretty much the most important part of my day. Its there when I wake up. Its there when I dream. In the silence, and in the conversations I keep. My music. Other’s music, personal moments… The sound of nature or passing traffic, the rivers outside my house. Its just there. Everything I hear is interpretted in music. 
My enthusiasm admitedly shows in the very fact I have barely recorded a song in 2008. I have sat at a microphone, plugged in and recorded a brief demo. I’ve parodied groups. I’ve made silly hints of my urge to attack the soundwaves, but I’ve not done it in any serious capacity in over a year. I listened to music, it might’ve affected moods, but going to the shows was suddenly just a routine. Seeing the band play was just a curiosity quencher. I wasn’t really gaining ‘favourite songs’ and some bands were just overkilled.

This then had a knock on effect with the music I was listening to. I’d enjoy it but in a more stale way. It’d be a “this is a good song” *listens to Muse only*, alienating any other emotional connection to the music. Early in the year Davina had sent me some Jenny Owen Youngs to listen to and she, like the other songs at the time, was classed into this “that’s fun”. I went along to shows, saw The Clik Clik perform but never really got truely excited before a show. Quite recently, in August, I saw Jenny perform. The week before the show something familiar yet different happened. I suddenly really enjoyed a live version of an unreleased song called “Didn’t Know”. The night before the show I had a bit of difficulty sleeping. By the day of the show something even stranger had happened. I was really enthused. I couldn’t wait. I got to the venue early. I fumbled about like a tween. Any and everything had me shaking nervously. I called up Davina and explained (to much laughter) the level of fangirl I was becoming.

Throughout the evening I made clumsy error and various mistakes happened. I made cheesy statements, I stood next to Jenny at the end of the evening and couldn’t speak and many other things happened along the way. The show left me with a HUGE amount of energy and I had regained my enthusiasm. Except this hadn’t dawned upon me til recently when talking to a few friends about it all. Not only had the thrill of the show returned, but the excitement of finding new music was regained. I was out and about hunting for new music to listen to, to consume. I went through Jenny’s top friends list and listened to the people she was associated with, initially to hear any collabs she may have done. I bought albums trusting instinct/her word without listening to them, and I listened to Bess, The Age Of Rockets, Ingrid Michaelson and more on almost a day by day basis. I added them on sites and I threw probably too many posts/compliments/thoughts/conversational tones/anything on them all in one go, and gradually over the last two months have been decreasing in the high amount of activity spent talking to/at them about their music, life, politics and star wars when applicable. 

But the thing is, regardless of if they think I’m weird or like me, regardless of if people embrace or dislike me, I have regained my enthusiasm for music and even if the world is against me, having been hugged by people involved in giving me my music and faith in music back is more than a million machine guns could ever do.

So if I’ve been sickly happy, or constantly singing, quoting happy music, sad music or just talking about the same things all the time, I apologise. But this is my life and I’m starting to live it again unaware of when I had stopped, but knowing that I definitely had stopped. Its like they’ve taken me away from the Ysalmiri and I can feel the Force again. So thank you JOY. For giving me that back.”